Day 2, 363 To Go

Coming of Age
So I was thinking about what it means to turn 13. Because my little chickadee is now officially a teenager  it represents a huge milestone in life. Not so much for him, but for us as parents. We have a responsibility to raise our children to become the best human beings that they could possibly be. In essence they are still children and should be allowed to be just that, but at the same time they are now edging more rapidly towards adulthood and need to be strategically prepared for the challenges, triumphs, successes and of course disappointments ahead.This stage of life involves major undertakings and the beginning of the assumption of adult responsibility.  Yet, in the United States and the UK (my points of reference) we do not systematically celebrate or ritualize the transition from childhood to adolescence unless we belong to a religious, cultural or ethnic group whose practices dictate it.
In many cultures, a ceremony, ritual or celebration rings in a time when a child becomes a young adult. For boys the age is usually 12 or 13. For girls, the coming-of-age is usually celebrated at their first menstruation, which can be as early as 9 or as late as 15.


Examples
Native Americans have a variety of coming-of-age rituals.. For many, girls have their rite of passage with the first menses and boys have theirs at the age of fourteen or fifteen. Both boys and girls are separated from the tribe to spend several days alone fasting. The hunger teaches the child patience and discipline. The isolation allows the child to stay competely focused on their goal, which is to have a dream or vision. 


In Japan the second Monday of January is Coming-of-Age Day, a national holiday to encourage those who have newly entered adulthood to become self-reliant members of society. In the past boys marked their transition to adulthood when they were around 15, and girls celebrated their coming of age when they turned 13 or so. During the Edo period (1603-1868), boys had their forelocks cropped off, and girls had their teeth dyed black. It wasn't until 1876 that 20 became the legal age of adulthood.


The Igbo Tribe of Nigeria are reviving a tradition that was lost during colonialism where  boys and girls are guided into adulthood. I am now discovering that many African Americans are embracing the tradition too: The children are taught teamwork, leadership, values, responsibilities, moral decisions, freedom, and valuing their heritage. Candles are lit, and prayers recited. The children pledge to conduct themselves in a manner that gives glory to God and that will command respect for them, their families abroad, in the ancestral land of the Igbo tribe -- Nigeria -- and to the American community where they live.


In Korea the Confucian coming-of-age ceremony is called Gwallye and is held for both boys and girls aged 15 to 20.


In Judaism girls reach the status of Bat Mitzvah on their 12th birthday. Boys achieve Bar Mitzvah on their 13th birthday. They are then recognized as adults and are personally responsible to follow the Jewish commandments and laws.


When I started to write this article I thought: 


"Wouldn't it be great to conduct a ritual that focuses on both the joy of the childhood they have experienced and the beginning of the transition into adulthood. The intention would be to explore and discuss with our children how relationships and people will change in the coming years. Reassuring them that  everything will not happen at one time, but to expect that a change will happen. Handled appropriately it can be a change that  our teens may approach with great trepidation, but we as parents can guide them gently through; a change that they will ultimately embrace rather than fear."


Having done the research I realize that there are so many opportunities to celebrate this wonderful transition all around us (For example: The Interfaith Families Project is composed of families from the Washington DC area which follow two religious traditions. They celebrate the passage of their children "into young adulthood ... embrace their emerging identities as adolescents." It is held during the children's 8^th grade year of religious education).  If this is something that is important to us, yet we find that there are no avenues within our immediate communities to partake, why not do it yourself? Based on your own ideals, personal beliefs and visions of the future bring your child into the adult world your way, with Grace, love, wisdom and compassion.
That's it!
Sayanora!


Image: baliadvisor.com